Saturday, January 31, 2009

Most Likely To ..

One of the things that everyone looked forward to in 8th grade and senior year of high school was the yearbook. The yearbook that finally contained your classes "bests, mosts & most likely to's". The voting, the anticipation .. the drama.

My 8th grade year, we had a situation where a girl on the yearbook staff voted herself in to a position that she obviously did not deserve. It was funny that names were erased from the ballot and hers was written in. She threw such a hissy fit that the advisors cut down the categories to 10 and had us all re-vote. Way to ruin it for everyone. My two categories were thrown to the wind and I was allowed to take a "picture with friends". Somehow she convinced the advisors to allow her to share the "title" with the rightful "winner". It's odd how the advisors got nice christmas presents of tickets to the concerts that they wanted to go to .. compliments of "hissy fit" girl's radio mom.

I swore that senior year of highschool would be better. Except when it came time to do it, the rules changed on me. It was no longer up to the class .. the senior board had full and utter control of what categories were made and who was chosen. It was also no longer featured in the yearbook! The best part of our senior yearbook .. cut out. Instead they were going to present them at the senior breakfast.

As I settled into my seat at the breakfast, I tried to imagine what I could possible get: "Most likely to beat you in a debate .. Best sense of humor (ha) .. Most friendly ..", something that I could tell my children, "look what mommy was in high school!"
Soon the 'ceremony' started. Most likely to succeed (boring) .. Best smile (really? I thought her mouth was just big) .. Most likely to open a tanning salon (ha! so that's what they really think of you) .. Most outgoing (oh .. I thought I might have had a shot at that) .. Most likely to clear a room with a sneeze ........ LHB

Excuse me, what?

Most likely to clear a room with a sneeze?? That's what I'll be remembered for?? I don't think I even sneezed the entire time I went to school .. oh wait, wait a minute .. yaaaaa. There was that one time in AP english, ok maybe two times and then Physics, yah I had a few there. But they weren't that loud! Oh oh ohhh it's coming back to me. The teachers had to actually pause their lessons. Whoopsie.

So I guess it does all come full circle and bite us in the ass at some point. I got what I deserved. Since then, I've tried my best to control my sneezing and huffing and puffing to little "aa-choo's" instead of "aaaaa aaaaa AHHHHHH-CHOOOOOOO". Hey, some of us just take a little more time to learn things.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Cheating 101

It's always fun to find out that someone has been "unfaithful". Granted, my mother always told me ,"if you don't have a ring on your finger, then what's stopping you?" I hope that was meant for my fickle relationships and not something that seriously concerned matters of the heart (whether it be mine or someone elses).

Before I go into this, I will openly admit and take responsibility that I have been "unfaithful" in a relationship. I am not proud of it nor do I condone it, but I will say that his heart wasn't in it (there's a laundry list of why his actions spoke louder than his words) and if he had found out, it would have been an issue of "me being his property" rather than the heartbreak of emotional distrust. And In my defense, I have been in 2 other long-term relationships and never touched a soul.

What causes people to cheat? I wish there was one clear answer to that. It is potentially one of the most twisted and confusing emotional scenarios that we can experience (that is .. if you find out). Trust me, I've been there. But if you're going to (warning: SUPER dumb idea) here's my advice (this is how I found out):

1. Deny, Deny, Deny: If you know that you can't resist temptation, then don't ever admit that you've given in at some point during a relationship. But make sure that your friends don't have honesty issues and tell your significant other that you have a track record. LHB: 1 xBF's: 0

2. Research: Are you doing this just to 'get some' or are you looking for a 'medal' to add to your collection? Whatever the case may be, be aware that you'll want someone that's worth defending why you were so 'tempted' .. aka .. not someone part of the "woof gang" or has thrown herself/himself at everyone you know. LHB: 2 xBF's: 0

3. Define: Make sure you know the connections between your tempter/temptress and your significant other. Is there any chance that your secret 'lusty' partner could open her/his big mouth to mutual acquaintances? You'd be surprised how proud one can be. You need to make it clear that the whole point of "cheating" is for no one to find out. LHB: 3 xBF's: 0

4. Karma: It's a bitch. LHB: 4 xBF's: 0

As the victim you get blamed for their unhappiness and issues and somehow become the driving factor that forced them to cheat. You can only wish and hope that at some point they'll wake up and realize what a mess they've made of things in their life that could have been great; that maybe they've learned a lesson and want to have an honest, healthy relationship. But as I've learned, bad habits and patterns are hard to break and if they're unwilling to take responsibility for past 'mistakes' then how will they ever be able to make a change?

Big ideas and conversation about fulfilling love and relationships is one thing, but working and sticking with it is another.

Like I always say, "your actions speak louder than your words."

Friday, January 9, 2009


I'm not sure about you, but I find that NYE (New Years Eve) tends to be an even more desperate holiday than Valentines Day. See, many people can argue that Valentines day was created by Hallmark in order to sell more cards throughout the year, so many people tend to disregard it or use it as a day to celebrate their friendships rather than love interests. NYE on the other hand is something we can't ignore or manipulate - "Sorry, what? It's January 2009? Noooo .. It's still December 1995."

While there's a ton of pressure on "males" (boys, men, gentlemen, dbags .. yes pretty much all of them) to perform on Valentine's Day, it is the tradition that comes with NYE that puts pressure on EVERYONE. The New Year kiss ..

When I think back over my New Year celebrations, the common goal for most of my friends (high school, college, the after life ...) was to find someone for midnight (I'm not saying that I never had that same goal .. trust me, I did). But that goal wasn't satisfied with just a peck ("a kiss"). The underlying meaning of that goal was to have a make-out session .. hook-up .. the rush of being with someone while ringing in the new year. You're considered lucky if you're attached. There are no worries for you - you're guaranteed that thrill.

Since I wasn't attached to anyone this NYE, I started to find myself saying things like "I won't have a new years kiss" or "I'm going to have to hire someone to be my date for the evening". I also worried about what he would be doing. Was he going to have a NYE kiss? Would it be someone he knew or a complete stranger? Would he do more than just something at midnight? I stressed myself out and started to make it a competition in my head. Must . Have . New . Years . Kiss ... otherwise I miss out on "tradition" and lose.

But the more I thought about it, the more I came to realize that if there's one thing at all I can be proud to say is that 'I'm not desperate'. If it doesn't happen, well, then it doesn't happen. There is no need for me to 1. make it a competition 2. make myself think that in some way I'm rising to the occasion by throwing myself at someone that I most likely don't have any interest in and 3. what if it was just absolutely terrible? Sure, being single has its benefits (making mistakes, no "responsibility", trying on someone new for a change, etc.), but being single doesn't mean making yourself do something that won't make you proud, happy or feel good because your desperation took over. Plus, no offense, I wasn't about to kiss any of those boys in the bar anyways.

So, as we counted down to midnight (with me standing on a chair), I looked around at everyone - some are attached, some have found new mates, others are pumping their fists and yelling with me and very few are alone. At that moment, internally, I hugged myself because I knew I didn't need a kiss from some boy/dude/guy/man on NYE to validate whether or not my new year was going to be robust, wonderful and fun. Sure, I missed him and he was probably making out with "something" and it made my heart twinge a little bit, but I wasn't about to cry at the fact that I was 'alone' because in reality I wasn't. Here I was on a chair, with my friends that I have been more than lucky to meet and I knew that I could man-up and tell myself it was going to be a good one no matter what. I stepped down from the chair and pecked a good gf, who probably lived up to be the best new years kiss ever .. no regrets & no drama.

It's about being with the people you care about & drinking lots of champagne :)

Monday, January 5, 2009


Or maybe it should be called "Glittah" because I think there are sparkles in the paint on the outside of the building. Yup, there definitely is.

That should be the first indicator of what you're about to walk in to.

The first time I ventured to Aura, I tagged along with my girlfriend to her fiancee's friends bday party. I was kind of excited to meet his friends and potentially some cute boys, but was instantly let down when I knew they spent more time getting ready than I did.

We finally made it through the glittery walls after a short trip through the 'backwoods' of Uptown. I immediately noticed that 1. I forgot that the dress code was just my santa lingerie 2. I might need to renew my tanning membership and 3. if I were a boy, I'd need to find a seriously good waxer because shaving my face just wasn't good enough anymore. I meekly looked down at my 'winter' skin and fully buttoned silk forever 21 top (I was feeling cute that night too!) and realized I didn't seem to make the cut with this 'elite' Dallas crowd. And normally, for those of you who don't know, I have no problem storming the dance floor, but there was no way I could compete with 'wanna-be' brunette Britney sloshing her wine glass all over her jersey knit dress and girlfriend's sweat-matted hair. Instead I cautiously bee-bopped in our little circle and was only jostled when a "young lady" in a very fitted red dress thought it appropriate to slap my behind not once but several times and yell, "you like that girl!" Needless to say, I was not going back to Aura any time soon and we moseyed on over to Knox St. Pub.

But there I was again at this glittery, uptown, dance-poppin', douche bag crawling, small dress wearing club, guiltily standing at the glowing bar with my girls on both sides, ordering a cherry vodka and soda from the overly large bartender. What I felt even guiltier about was that our names had been on a list to get past the 10 people that actually were standing in line to get in. Which really meant that barely anyone was there; therefore there was no one to compete with on the dance floor. It was soon ours and stayed ours for the entire time we shook our business. It didn't matter what whoo-whoo's and dbags sauntered and creeped around, because none of them could even keep up with the 8 booty poppin' girls and wouldn't dare try. The next day I had muscles that were only sore after a great night of dancing.

So here's my lesson learned: if you're gonna hit the "clubs" .. go with your girls, get there early, forget the dbags, ignore the staring whoo whoo's, shake it like it's no one's business and drink like there's no tomorrow. It doesn't matter where you go - sticking to those fundamentals can make any place fun!

Thanks for a great weekend ladies!