Sunday, January 18, 2009

Cheating 101

It's always fun to find out that someone has been "unfaithful". Granted, my mother always told me ,"if you don't have a ring on your finger, then what's stopping you?" I hope that was meant for my fickle relationships and not something that seriously concerned matters of the heart (whether it be mine or someone elses).

Before I go into this, I will openly admit and take responsibility that I have been "unfaithful" in a relationship. I am not proud of it nor do I condone it, but I will say that his heart wasn't in it (there's a laundry list of why his actions spoke louder than his words) and if he had found out, it would have been an issue of "me being his property" rather than the heartbreak of emotional distrust. And In my defense, I have been in 2 other long-term relationships and never touched a soul.

What causes people to cheat? I wish there was one clear answer to that. It is potentially one of the most twisted and confusing emotional scenarios that we can experience (that is .. if you find out). Trust me, I've been there. But if you're going to (warning: SUPER dumb idea) here's my advice (this is how I found out):

1. Deny, Deny, Deny: If you know that you can't resist temptation, then don't ever admit that you've given in at some point during a relationship. But make sure that your friends don't have honesty issues and tell your significant other that you have a track record. LHB: 1 xBF's: 0

2. Research: Are you doing this just to 'get some' or are you looking for a 'medal' to add to your collection? Whatever the case may be, be aware that you'll want someone that's worth defending why you were so 'tempted' .. aka .. not someone part of the "woof gang" or has thrown herself/himself at everyone you know. LHB: 2 xBF's: 0

3. Define: Make sure you know the connections between your tempter/temptress and your significant other. Is there any chance that your secret 'lusty' partner could open her/his big mouth to mutual acquaintances? You'd be surprised how proud one can be. You need to make it clear that the whole point of "cheating" is for no one to find out. LHB: 3 xBF's: 0

4. Karma: It's a bitch. LHB: 4 xBF's: 0

As the victim you get blamed for their unhappiness and issues and somehow become the driving factor that forced them to cheat. You can only wish and hope that at some point they'll wake up and realize what a mess they've made of things in their life that could have been great; that maybe they've learned a lesson and want to have an honest, healthy relationship. But as I've learned, bad habits and patterns are hard to break and if they're unwilling to take responsibility for past 'mistakes' then how will they ever be able to make a change?

Big ideas and conversation about fulfilling love and relationships is one thing, but working and sticking with it is another.

Like I always say, "your actions speak louder than your words."

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